Lampshades
by MilkIsAGoodSourceOfCalcium
Summary: Rose has severe problems. She's a crazy klutz with an unhealthy, slightly obsessive crush on Scorpius Malfoy.... Trouble in itself. And to put the icing on the cake, he's a bit of a jerk. Actually a lot of a jerk. Bu still... he has lovely eyes ONESHOT


I don't own any of these characters (except the OCS obv)

**Please review!**

I, Rose Weasley have severe problems. Mental problems that is. Put in the words of my not so wise older cousin James, I'm a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. Why, I hear you ask? Well, for one, I am currently talking to myself in the middle of a charms lesson. Crap. Professor Chang gives me _the look _and the rest of the class snigger and I go really red… which leads me to problem no. two. I blush so red my face transforms into a baboons arse. The class snigger louder. Ahhhhh, did I just say that out loud? Judging by the fact Professor Chang's disapproving, irritated and rather scary glare hitches up to eleven, it is evident that alas, I have.

'Is there a problem Miss Weasley?' She asks, but in a voice that implies that even if I have developed a horrid disease during the lesson, that it would not excuse me for speaking out of turn.

' Uhhhh.. no problem sir.. I mean ma'm' I stammer quickly. Problem no. 3- I stutter when nervous or embarrassed. A lot.

'Stay behind after class' She says sternly, and gets back to marking her papers. My cousin Al rolls his eyes at me, and his best mate Scorpius looks very amused. Problem no. 4- I find Scorpius Malfoy very, very attractive. Yes, you heard me right. I, Rose Nymphadora Weasley, daughter of the famous Ron and Hermione Weasley, find a _Malfoy _attractive. And to make it worse, said hottie thinks I'm an idiot, as last time we spoke, our conversation ended with me choking on a meatball and spitting the meatball in his eye, almost blinding him. Thank Merlin for madam Pomfrey, who was able to restore his sight after force-feeding him rather disgusting concoctions and performing an emergency operation (apparently some of the meatball bits wedged up his nose and had to be removed surgically) So, I think it would be an understatement to say I'm not exactly in his good books.

I spend the rest of the class contemplating this predicament, and cursing every meatball in existence to the deepest, darkest, hairiest armpits of Voldemort (though I'm not entirely sure Voldemort did have armpit hair. I mean, he was bald as and egg on top. Maybe that potion that Worm-whatever idiot chucked him in didn't restore hair?) The lunch bell rang, and my peers gathered their books, and the lucky sods sprinted out of class. My bezzie (yes, I say the word bezzie) Liv shot me the 'loser' sign and flagged me, grinning, before following the others. Aww, Liv, why am I friends with that cow?

Professor Chang gave me a long lecture about the importance of listening in class (which, for the record, I completely ignored- and instead dreamed of Scorpius sweeping my off my feet and snogging me passionately. Hormones, what can I say?) After the rant, Chang says, 'So Miss Weasley, how is your family?' Translation- How is your sexy uncle Harry?

'They're all great'

'Good, good. You're aunt Ginny is okay, isn't she?' Translation- Is the Harry stealing bitch dead yet?

'Yeah, she's fine.'

'Let your family know I'd love to catch up sometime. Maybe they could come over for lunch at mine in the holidays to have a good natter,' Translation- I'd love your uncle Harry to come round so I can shag him.

Oh I wish I hadn't thought that. I _really hate_ the word shag. It's so unattractive.

'Yeah, I'll let them know.'

'I haven't seen Harry in such a long time' Translation- I WANT TO BED HARRY POTTER!

'I'll let him know you asked after him.' I reassure her. Warn him more like. _Uncle Harry, just to let you know, professor Chang lurrrveeesss you_. Hehe, that would be rather funny.

Chang excuses me and I head off to lunch. Liv has saved me a seat, and I plonk myself down beside her. 'So darllling, what did Chang say?' She grins.

'In short, she fancies my uncle Harry.' I say, loading my plate with casserole.

'Well, he is rather fiiiiiinneeee' Ew.

'Liv, you cannot be serious.' I gape.

'Don't worry Rosie Posie, if I ever decide to swing the other way, you'll be the first person I call.' Liv says, and winks.

'Sorry Liv, you're not really my type. I don't go for red heads. It feels wrong somehow, with most of my family being ginger' I myself am a brunette haired gal, and proud of it. The only brunette in the family apart from my mum.

'I'm offended. I have you know that all those awesome Potter lads find gingers incredibly sexy- well, the ones they're not related to anyway. By the time I'm thirty five, I shall be married to James, and we shall have seven children.'

'Why thirty five?'

' Having a career is very important darling. And it might take me a while to have a stable career, because I'm a lazy slob. Unlike you of course, Mrs. 'I'm so bloody clever.'' She states.

'Yeah, you have a point. I am incredibly clever, and you are a lay-a-bout, cocky so-an-so'

'Hmmmm..' She agrees cheerily. Pointless babble happens to be our speciality. 'So, are you still head over heels with Malfoy?'

'Shut up!' I hiss 'Someone will hear you!'

'I take that as a yes then. Rose, you must make your move before it's to late! Pounce on the bugger!'

'Yeah right!'

'Trust me Rosie, it works.'

'How the hell do you know anything about love?'

'Rose, I choose to be the better person and not take offence from that hateful remark. I have you know I'm an expert on love.' Pahh, yeah right.

Liv notices my disbelieving expression and says haughtily, 'It's true! It's a gift, passed through generations of my family!'

'What a load of cra-'

'If it's a load of crap, how do you explain the fact my aunt Clarence managed to seduce my uncle Bob with just an AA battery and an energy saving light bulb?'

What? I try and block the disturbing mental images.

'As weird as that sounds, I really don't need help, because I don't even fancy Malfoy anymore' I lie.

She raises her eyebrows 'Really?'

'Really' I say defiantly, hoping my voice sounds convincing.

At six, I head to the library, on my way to my very first tutoring session. McGonagall put me up to tutoring a first year in Transfiguration, and I am looking forward to it. I mean, the first years are so flippin adorable!

I see the small figure of Davey Williams at an otherwise empty table in the library, and plaster a cheerful grin on my face, which I hope looks more friendly than scary and disfigured. Judging by the way his eyes widen in horrified shock, it was the latter. I tone down the smile. 'Hey Davey! I'm Rose and I'll be your tutor!' I say kindly and with over-exaggerated enthusiasm.

I was just in the middle of practising turning match sticks into needles when I felt it. A hand on my leg. A small hand. A small, first-yearish hand. 'Davey!' I exclaim, 'What are you doing?'

The boy doesn't even blush 'Rose… baby. Have I ever told you how hot you are?'

Problem no. five- I'm fifteen and seem to attract eleven year olds. Fan-bloomin-tastic.

'No Davey, you've never told me how hot I am, since we've only known eachother for under an hour.'

He stares at me intensely. 'Rose, do you believe in love at first sight?'

What the hell? You cannot be serious! Does Merlin hate me!!????

'Uhhh… Davey, you're eleven.'

'Twelve in two weeks!' He pipes up defensively.

'Great, that makes this situation so much better'

'Rose Weasley, I don't care if I am young, I love you!' He says this so loudly the whole library stop and stare. But I don't care about that, because at one of the most humiliating moments of my life, I notice Scorpius Malfoy in fits of laughter at my expense. And something snaps. I yell at him to shut his damn gob, which wipes the grin off his face, and I turn on my heel and storm out of the library.

_I am SOOOOO SICK of him always laughing at me! I AM SO BLOODY SICK of him treating me like one BIG JOKE! _And all at once, the memories that I've always tried to overlook come flooding back. _That time I fell off my broom in out first flying lesson and broke my leg, he laughed and called me a stupid klutz. That time he spread that rumour about me and the class minger Tom Grogan snogging in a broom closet. The time just a couple of months ago when I found him snogging Alyssa Hills in an empty classroom, and he'd grinned cockily and said 'Will you please leave us alone Weasley, cant you see we're a bit busy at the moment' and he'd smirked and I'd felt so miserable and heartbroken and it was his fault. _What the hell was I thinking? Why on Earth had I ever liked him, been nice to him, tried to impress him? He wasn't even worth it! All he did was make fun of me and he never gave a damn how I felt about anything!

I felt angry and stupid and _disappointed._ My prince charming was in reality, a little shit. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

'Rose! Rose! Wait!' I heard to my surprise Scorpius call. He caught up with me and grabbed my arm, not roughly.

'Piss off Malfoy!'

'Look Rose, I'm sorry for whatever I did to offend you-'

'_whatever you did to offend me?_ You have no idea do you?! You are such an arrogant…. LAMPSHADE!' I yell. (_Lampshade? Gee, thanks Brain.) _'I am so sick of you! All you do is make fun of me and laugh at me and generally be a bit of a pri-'

His face looks first shocked, and then furious 'ME?! YOU ATTACKED ME WITH A MEATBALL!'

'It was an ACCIDENT!' Several second years rush past us with terrified looks on their faces.

'OH YEAH RIGHT!'

'You know what the worst thing is Malfoy? You can't even see what a jerk you are!'

'Yeah? Well you don't see what a hypocrite _you _are! You call me arrogant? Look at you being such a bossy know it all _all the time_!'

'At least I don't do my best to hurt other people and be such a nasty…errggghh' I shout back. 'I cant believe I even liked you! After everything you said to me, those rumors you spread- after all that!'

'WELL- what?'

Damn, I need to practise not saying some things out loud.

'You… like me?' He looked stunned.

'Correction- I _did _like you. Past tense. Then I realised what a git you are.' I said quietly.

'Rose, I'm sorry. Really.' He said, looking at me with sincere eyes.

'Yeah, whatever.' I couldn't believe him. Images swarmed in front of me._ That time he said I looked beautiful at the Christmas Ball…. _What? I remembered glowing for the rest of that night. But he didn't mean it, did he?

'Rose, listen. The horrible stuff I said, I never meant it. I was a….. Lampshade. I'm really sorry.' _Hey Rose, how are you?….. Stop fussing, your hair looks perfect. ……You're possibly the strangest person I've ever met, but what can I say, that's why I like you. _Scorpius had said those things. He hadn't said them a lot. He didn't shower me with compliments, but he could be nice. Actually the more I though about it, I noticed that the compliments had become more frequent lately. Still, not so regular, but there had definitely been an increase. Why hadn't I noticed earlier?

'You're forgiven.'

'I know I've been a- pardon?'

'I said, forget about it.'

'Wait. I don't understand. A second ago you were content to kill me, and now..'

'Lets just say I realised a few things. Maybe I overreacted.'

'I'm still sorry Rose. I really am.' He took my hand and entwined his fingers with mine. And my heart stopped as he moved closer and closer and his lips were inches away from mine-

' AND MALLLFOOYYY SITTTIINNNN ON A LOOGG, TTHHEEYYY BOOOOTHHHH FEEELL OFFF ANNND HHHAAAADDD A SNNOGG!' Peeves shrieked and dropped a bucket of water over our heads. Damn Poltergeist!

'Ahh!' We sprang apart. 'I'm going to kill you Peeves!' I NEARLI SNOGGED SCORPIUS MALFOY AND THAT LITTLE POO HEAD RUINED IT! Peeves shot of down the corridor cackling, leaving me and Scorpius soaking wet.

'Ummm… I better get dried off' I say, rather awkwardly.

'Uhhhh yea…. Me too… cause I'm all wet…'

'Yeaahh.. So am I… So I'll see you later?'

Scorpius shot me this gorgeous grin. 'Definitely.'

And I walked back to the Gryffindor common room, with this big stupid smile on my face. And then of course, being a klutz, naturally, I tripped down a flight of stairs.

Ahhhh… well, at least Scorpius didn't see that.

'Nice going Rose.' I scrambled around in alarm to see Scorpius smirking. He held out his hand and helped me up, then just kept on walking in the direction of the dungeons. 'Oh, and by the way, if it wasn't already obvious,' He called over his shoulder, 'I like you too.'

This was my first attempt at a Rose/Scorpius fic. I admit I was a tad sickened near the end… romance isn't exactly my thing and it was waayy to mushy for my liking, but I was happy with the rest.

**Please give me a review, it'll only take a second. Just tell me what you think. Like it or not? Constructive criticism is very welcome, but no flames please!**

**Thanks for reading **

**Soph xx **


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